1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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