Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
