He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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