Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize