i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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