jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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