I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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