It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
