When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
