sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
