I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
