"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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