Your face is a jimmy john
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
