My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
