Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
