WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
