I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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