You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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