Your face is a jimmy john
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize