my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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