I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
