Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
