Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
