Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize