He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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