don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
