can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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