If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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