just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize