What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize