we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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