Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
