i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
