my vag is so smooth its legendary
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
