Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
