Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
