Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Damn victory sex feels great
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
