And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
