the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
