Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, beer. Big fan.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My bed smells like the plague
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
