not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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