I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize