WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize