I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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