i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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