I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
