I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
