Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
