I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
