I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
