woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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