So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
