Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
