I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
