Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
