guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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