im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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