I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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