I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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