recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize