You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
