I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
