I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
