Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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