I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize