Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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