Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
